What Are You Settling For?

It’s hard to believe that we are already in February, Christmas just seemed to be upon us yesterday. It was amazing to see the Easter eggs in the supermarket sometime in January. I hope your year has shaped up well and you were able to reflect on the last message from Amovita about setting your goals for the new year. By now they are well underway. I remember a couple of years ago, going to a 3 day taster on Christopher Howard’s training programs in Brisbane. Chris is a captivating speaker and he and his team did an amazing job of engaging a group of 2000 people. Chris has developed a range of training programs to assist people to develop a formula for success. The reason I have mentioned Chris’s work is because part of the training he does is related to our last topic on goal setting. Have you ever wondered why you have not reached the goals set for the year. I know at different times I have. I was committed to achieving my goal, but did not quite get where I wanted to be with that goal and I tend to be a goal orientated person. I work towards my goal and the next one after that. Now I work with others to reach their goals and it does work. The question is how does it work. It works by … understanding you and your environment!

1. Understanding Your Self Talk

By knowing how you talk to yourself internally will give you an idea of what your self talk is. Throughout our childhood and growing into adulthood we are given thousands of messages from lots of different sources. Our caregivers, our extended family, teachers, dance classes, soccer team etc. We do take on the positive messages we were given and we also have taken on the negative messages also and these are the ones that stop us from reaching our real potential. It’s the negative messages that stops you from living your life how you truly want to, having the most positive relationships you can, dealing with the fear that may grip you from making that all important decision you really want to. When you stop and reflect on those messages you will probably be surprised on the messages you have been given. So step 1 is to understand your own self talk.

2. Make A Decision

Just stop and think for a moment how you make decisions in your personal and work life. Yes I know sometimes the workplace makes decisions for us, I am referring to decisions other than policy. What steps do you take in making a decision? Do you think about things for a while, sit on your thoughts, come back to them, think a little more and then make your decision? Are you a person that finds it difficult to arrive at a decision and would rather refer it to someone else to assist you in the process? Are you someone who finds it very easy to make a decision quickly and sometimes wishes they had made the decision a little slower? No matter what process you go through, the important thing is to make a decision about something…what ever your goal may be. By making a decision you are understanding your self talk and that will give you a clue to how you can change something in your life you may want to.

” there is no passion to be found in playing small – in settling for a life less than the one you are capable of living”   Nelson Mandela

3. Externalise Your Beliefs About Yourself

Your beliefs, the way you see yourself, the messages you have been given will determine how do your self talk, what you say to yourself in a given situation, what your emotions are at any given time and then how you act this out. Many years ago I ran some workshops with a psychologist who had undertaken some research on how we undergo self talk and how this resulted in developing our self esteem. The other thing we talked about was how we need to consider how vulnerable we are to others view of ourselves or how we perceive feedback from others. These two things in combination are a powerful mix and indicator of our own belief system. By exploring how your own belief system is will tell you what you need to focus on to get the results you would like to in your life, how to reach those goals you  have set for yourself. By working with a professional you can explore and externalise those beliefs and only then when they are discovered can you truly begin to change them.

4. Focus on Changing Your Focus

What you focus on grows! Did you know that? Try it, think about what you are focused on in your life. Jot down through the week what you focus on the most. Is it work? Is it the challenges in your life? The bills? The conflicts in your life? When we focus on the negatives, they tend to follow us around. Our self talk is more negative and we are unable to leave those chains behind because there is not enough positive space to do so. What we focus on will result in what that focus is.  Only by stepping into your conscious mind will you be able to change the focus of what you really want to achieve. For some years I believed my focus was positive. Then why did I continue to have lots of financial woes, bills coming on a regular basis and I felt I was never going to get ahead. In 1990 my partner and I had a very successful business and life was great. We were about to start building a lovely home overlooking the sea, the children were healthy and happy, you know how the story goes. Then one day my world stopped. My partner came home at the end of one day and declared that we had lost everything, house, car, everything. Our business partner had been siphoning funds from the company and as a result we were broke. We started again, but the bills kept coming and I could not understand why. When I stopped and took stock of my own thinking and what I was focused on I discovered a lot! I began the journey of understanding my own self talk, what my belief system was like and then started refocusing. Yes I still get bills like us all, I still at times feel challenged by the juggle we need to do. Because now my focus is not on the negative bills that come in I am refocused to where I would like my life to be.

“when you experience something, anything, you can no longer be that same person, purely because of the experience you have had, it just depends on how you see the experience”  Tracey Harris

5. Challenging Old Beliefs

Its only when we explore what the beliefs are that are holding us back from achieving our goals, can we truly challenge them. Remember to keep the ones that serve you well and that are positive. You can challenge them by understanding your self talk. One way to challenge your old beliefs is to hang around with positive people. Positive people are infectious and they make us feel valued and appreciated. Their energy is vital to our own well being as well. By basking in others positive energy it gives us a way to keep focused on being positive. Write down the limiting beliefs you believe! You have and then think about how you would restate them to better fit your life and who you are. This can be quite tricky to do so don’t think you need to do this process on your own.

6. Rewrite a New Set of Beliefs

Remember to keep the positive ones, just rewrite the ones you really don’t want!!! The ones that are holding you back, keeping you in the space of fear, or anger or apathy. These ones are not serving you so well and are most probably stopping you from achieving the goals you may have. Focus on changing your focus. Turn towards being more positive, making your self talk more positive. Catch yourself being negative to yourself, and restate a positive message. Remember our emotions are a navigation guide to what may need attention and particularly when we may be experiencing sadness, anger, fear etc. These can provide us with a good understanding of what beliefs need to be rewritten. By unpacking or deconstructing the limiting beliefs can we then rewrite a set of new ones

Please feel free to share this with others, just refer them to our website for more information www.amovita.com.au

For more information on how to Maximise Your Potential for Real, contact Amovita Consulting today.